Lately

I've been a student lately, but not a good student.

I feel like God is trying to teach me things, like how to curb my emotions, but it just doesn't sink in. Sure, I pray about it and am aware of situations when I might come undone, and I really and truly try to hang in there and not freak out. But I still do....sometimes. Then I am guilt-ridden. Lately I have been taking my anger out on Wes. I guess they say you always hurt the ones you love. But I really really dislike that phrase, even though it's true for me sometimes. I don't want to hurt the ones I love, or anyone for that matter. Ugh. I'm not really sure what my point is here, but I thought maybe blogging about it would help. Instead of holding things in until I am at my breaking point, I just need to ask for help, and not in a mean way, or out of desperation, but in an act of kindness.

I've learned a lot over the past four years of being a Mom, and my patience has been tested more times than I care to count. But there is one thing I've realized about myself. The more I focus on ME and what I want, the more upset and unglued I become. So there I am, struggling with the decision between asking for help (that would be for me) and not asking for help but risking going a little crazy.

UGH again. I'm learning. Just not as fast as I'd like to. But hopefully I'm heading in the right direction.