Saturday, June 28, 2008
SO confused!!!
So here is the deal...I have two books that tell me how to raise my child - The Baby Book by Dr. William Sears, and the infamous On Becoming Baby Wise, by Dr. Ezzo. These were both given to me before Abbie was born, and I have read through them both and so far combined things I like from both. But these two books could not be more different. Dr. Sears talks about co-sleeping, wearing your baby, baby directed feedings, not letting them cry, you get the picture. And Baby Wise is parent directed feeding, letting them cry it out, not rocking or nursing your baby to sleep, etc. I like Baby Wise because I believe putting your baby on a schedule is important, and the eat-wake-sleep things seems like a good way to do it, but we all know there are times when you have to go by what baby wants and not by the schedule - i.e if they are hungry before the 2 1/2 hour window, etc. Sometimes it just happens. But the thing I can't get past is the crying it out part, and putting your baby to bed awake! I just can't imagine putting Abbie in her crib awake and letting her go to sleep on her own, or letting her cry for up to 15 minutes. I enjoy rocking her to sleep, and really at night she goes pretty quickly once I feed her and she is happy. I realize I have some work to do with laying her down during the day for naps, because she has become used to us holding her while she sleeps, and it won't be like that when she goes to her caretaker and I go back to work. And then when I read Dr. Sears, I almost feel guilty for putting Abbie in her crib and not bringing her in the bed with us. So I realize that by writing this blog entry I am opening up the door to advice, and I am fine with that. Some of you have already given me different pieces of advice. I just want Abbie to be a happy and healthy child, and I think she is already. But I want to be a healthy and happy mother too, and if that means waiting a few more weeks or months for her to sleep longer that is fine. I guess part of me just worries that I am developing bad habits for her right now. Dr. Sears doesn't think so, but Dr. Ezzo does! So who is right? I don't think there is a right or wrong way to raise a child, and no book is going to be the end all be all answer. But I just wish maybe I could find a middle of the road book that talks about caring and nurturing your baby but also getting them to sleep for longer periods of time. Any suggestions? Is Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child the same philosophy as Baby Wise? Are there any other books you recommend? I am open and willing to listen to your opinions. Again, I know that maybe what works for your child may not work for mine, but isn't that one of the perks of blogging? That we get feedback from others? Looking forward to hearing your comments!!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
9 comments:
Sometimes you just have to follow your heart and your gut feeling! I personally believe that anything before 6 months will not create bad habites, but after that may be a different story (that's where I went wrong w/Owen.) Abbie is still so young and if I were you I would embrace these moments where you can rock her to sleep and if she cries at night, she may just need you or be hungry (at least until she's eating purees.)I don't know. Who are these experts anyways??? MEN??????
Yes, they are ALL men. Thanks for your advice - I tend to agree with you!
I would say my parenting style is pretty relaxed. I couldn't stand to hear my kids cry and wouldn't deny feeding them when they were hungry or just wanted to nurse for comfort. Many times when they were crying, I would nurse them even though I knew that they weren't hungry, they just wanted to be close to me. None of my kids slept totally through the night until they were weaned and the all self weaned at 2, 2.5, and 2. After about 12 months, they only nursed before bed, got up one time a night to nurse, when they woke up in the morning and again at naptime. Once they were no longer nursing they were great sleeper and still are. Joey(5) and Ryan(2) both take about a 2.5 hour nap everyday and go to bed around 8pm and get up around 9am, sometimes 10. The don't fight going to bed, they like sleeping. For me I decided to do it like I did, because time fly by so quickly and I really began to cherish the alone time that I got to spend with them. Because the boys were somewhat close together and I nursed them for so long, I went close to eight years either nursing or being pregnant, so I kinda got used to the lack of quality sleep. That time in my kids life is now over and honestly I do miss it, not the lack of sleep, but the closeness that came with all the nursing and nighttime rocking. You really have to do what feels right for you. I haven't read babywise, so I don't know what exactly it is, but if it doesn't feel right to you or for Abbie, don't do it. My parenting style followed Dr. Sears pretty closely, nursing on demand, baby wearing, etc. But I didn't feel right putting the baby in bed with us, so we didn't do that. Pick and choose what you like and you will come up with a parenting style that is perfect for You, Wes and Abbie. Sorry about the novel! Did you get my email? I sent it to your work email addy.
I personally didn't read baby wise but I know from friends experience that you can't take that book word for word. You have to really go with what Abbie needs. She is still so young and she needs you. I think Joshua was 4 months before he ever slept in his room in his crib. We had a basinet next to me and we would put him in while he was still awake and he would fall asleep. If he did cry, we would comfort him, make sure he had his pacifier and he had to have it dark. If we were getting ready for bed and any kind of light was on, he would lay there and just look around. As soon as we would turn the light off, he would start to fall asleep. Gram gave us Dr. Sears book and we still reference it. I think once Abbie is older (6 months or so), then happy baby happy life(did I get that right?) is a good reference. Remember these are all just points of reference. We didn't let Joshua sleep in bed with us but my parents let us and everyone is doing good!! Pray about it too! God will give you the answers you need that no book will. We love you guys and can't wait to meet Abbie and see you guys.
I agree with Crystal. do what YOU feel is right for YOUR baby. These books are all great guidelines but every child and every family is different. I used Healthy Sleep Habits Happy child. He gives three different styles and I used a little piece of all three. I rocked or nursed Rylie to sleep every night. I didnt let her cry anything out until she was four or five months old. Once I was comfortable with the idea that she knew where she was. maybe it was more of a comfort thing for me but Rylie slept through the night at 8 weeks and has slept 12-14 hours ever since.
I also feed Rylie pretty much whenever she wanted. You only get to do it once and I think its a huge comfort to them if they are hungry or not. Abbie is still so little and that security is important right now. I agree with anything before 6 months will not create bad habits. Use the books as your guidelines. Follow what is best for you. Your the mama. You know your baby best.
Now I am worried #2 isnt going to be as good a sleeper as Rylie!!!!
Thank you for all your comments!! I am so happy to be able to use this blog as a sounding board, especially right now when we are doing the most important job in the world.
Thank you for all your comments!! I am so happy to be able to use this blog as a sounding board, especially right now when we are doing the most important job in the world.
Shannon-thank you for posting this to open up this conversation. I agree with the fact that you definitely can NOT take ALL that Babywise says to the letter. Each child is different, but the mom's of those children are the same. I'm a scheduled person and like my sleep and scheduling worked the best for my other caregivers and our family. We do rock our babies, but we do it to keep them awake and play with them during their wake time, not to necessarily soothe, so it actually turns out to be a better experience for both her and us! Yes, when they were screaming in the middle of the night, we rocked and soothed, the difference is it is not until they were sleeping, but enough to tell them all is right in their world and to have them settle down and try it again. You guys will get your groove on, be encouraged, in reading these posts, you are definitely not alone!
friend, i read them all!! i found baby wise to be the most harsh of them, but there are some good points. i'm a fan of healthy sleep, happy baby because they do offer different levels of sleep "training." we were lucky with gracen in that she didn't require much crying it out to get the whole sleeping through the night thing down. avery, so far, has slept physically attached to be since she was born. i actually get more sleep this way because she never fully wakes in the night for a feeding, so i can "attach" her and we both fall back to sleep. she nurses 1-4 times a night, but i barely even notice anymore. she's now been nicknamed "roo" (as in kangaroo) because of her need for CONSTANT attachment. i also wear her at least 6 hours during the day.
Post a Comment